YOU ARE NOT LOST, YOU ARE IN SEARCH
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I have been living on this planet for 28 years and have to admit that the most difficult part of my life and the biggest challenge I had so far was finding out who I really a m and what is the purpose of my existence. If you are in your twenties and have no fucking clue what to do with your life, I want to calm you down — it is very common and absolutely normal. I feel you, because I have been in the same situation. Despite high school diploma with honors, bachelor in business management and full-filled social life, I was once completely lost. Let me share my personal story of overcoming quarter-life crisis. I hope this article will help someone avoid the mistakes I made and ease the way of finding the purpose.
Ever since I can remember I felt that I am a bit different, because, compared to most of the people around me, I was simply thinking in a different manner . I was able to reflect on new information instantly and link it to accumulated knowledge in various fields. This way of perceiving information helped me quickly understand and memorize things which made sense to me. I always though I am creative although I did not know how to express my creativity. Now, after years of exploring my personality ,I finally know that the ability I have is called “synthetic imagination”. In his best-seller book “Think and grow rich” Napoleon Hill explains it as the ability to transform existing ideas, knowledge, experiences and concepts into new ideas and unanticipated solutions to specific problems. My curiosity and ability to solve problems made my life in high school pretty easy. Typical to our generation narcissism and extreme Lithuanian competitiveness were always setting the bar and standards very high. I was trying to be the best at everything, but at the same time it made me really good at nothing. Nobody ever asked who I am going to become when I grow up and I never questioned myself on this topic because I was afraid, I didn’t know the answer.
I am half Lithuanian half Russian, which is quite ambiguous combo knowing the geopolitical tension between these two countries historically. Being in-between made me think that I am not a part of any opposing sides. I felt like I was international and although did not have much opportunities to get in touch with foreigners living in Lithuania, I felt the urge to meet some and experience the diversity. I wanted to go study abroad, but at the age of 19 I had no clue what exactly I want to gain knowledge in. Now if I had to illustrate myself as a kid graduating from high-school I would paint a guy standing on the edge of the cliff with a bandage on his eyes. Breadth of this cliff would represent the enormous amount of career possibilities we have in markets today.
Not only are my eyes covered, but also I feel pushed by environment and social dogmas. Close people forming your social circle (family and friends and life-partners) sometimes have way too much effect on one of biggest decisions of a lifetime. When there are so many choices and opportunities it is natural to be lost. American psychologist Barry Schwartz in his brilliant Ted Talk “The paradox of choice” explains this situation we as human beings encounter on a regular basis as a freedom paralysis caused by the surplus of choice.
Instead of taking some time on making one of the most important decisions in my life I succumbed to the influence of my parents on “not wasting my time” and followed my girlfriend to study in the capital of Lithuania — Vilnius. This was another so called mistake I made. One can not follow others in order to find his own way. Rather, it is a matter of self-analysis and making your own decisions. I went with the hardest place to get in — faculty of economics in the oldest and the most prestigious university in the country. Honestly, back in the days I could not manage myself properly, I had no clue which is my industry or what market I want to be in. All I knew is that I managed to get out of my parents house and was finally free to do whatever I wanted to.
So I went with the flow and even though my motivation after the first year dropped significantly, graduated (made my mom happy). I was simply having fun, connecting with people and waiting till one day I will figure it out. Although my first attempt to study revealed one thing — I am not a manager. I simply did not fit in the the university classmates and felt the need to create something. Not a long time after my graduation I read a viral article on the web about the reasons why my generation of people feel unhappy. Those at my age probably have heard of it, it’s the piece written by anonymous author on a blog waitbutwhy.com — a story about Lucy who is a typical girl representing Gen Y.
In-short it says that the main reason of Gen Y people being unhappy while entering the job market is our surreal expectations which barely match reality. It touched me personally, because, as mentioned in an article, people from my generation feel special and I wasn’t an exception. In fact, my mom used to tell me, that I was lucky to be born on a year of earth dragon (1988) and people having this zodiac sign tend to be exceptionally successful. I was given the silver dragon as a present and I still have it with me as a talisman. Even when I read the article which generalized my generation, I still thought that I am special. I knew that I am highly intellectual and simply have to take some time to figure out what’s important for me and what I should dive into. BTW, I never gave up the idea that I am special! If you don’t believe my mom about exceptional people born of the year of earth dragon, check this fella who shares the same zodiac sign:
This is the end of introduction part of my personal quest story. The second article will lead you through my quarter age depression and reveal exact actions and insights which helped me to overcome it and find out who I am.